


Me And My Hand Tonight

by anemic_cinema



Series: May Masturbation Challenge [4]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Porn Watching, Public Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-21 23:54:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1568489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemic_cinema/pseuds/anemic_cinema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder's only romantic relationship is with porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Me And My Hand Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at an X-Files fic.

“One for 'A Salute To Jeff Stryker' please.”

The person behind the glass hands him the ticket without judgment. If anything she looks pretty bored. 

“That'll be five dollars.” He slips her the bill, it's bad enough that his credit card and debit card bills read like those of a pervert. Takeout dinners, phone sex lines, motel rooms, pay per view pornos. Not exactly a paper trail worthy of an FBI agent, even if this particular FBI agent is confined to a basement office and referred to as “spooky” or “whacko” or “paranoid.” 

“Enjoy the show.” The girl behind the glass makes it sound like she's asking him “paper or plastic.” 

“Thanks.” Mulder mumbles. It briefly crosses his mind just how sad it must look. A normal-enough looking man of prime dating age going into a triple x theater to watch porn on a Wednesday night. But this is routine for him. No one can really deal with him for long, so porn it is. It never lets him down at least, just like his hands.

There's only one person who can deal with him, but their relationship isn't like that. As much as Mulder wishes it was. In his mind, there's some magical way for him to be with her that wouldn't affect their professional relationship or their friendship. Because despite of everything, Scully is one of the only real friends he has, and that wouldn't be worth losing over something as trivial as sex.

The theater's empty, but he still sits in the back corner. Better to be discreet. He doesn't want to end up in some kind of scandal like Pee-Wee Herman if he gets inspired. The movie starts. It's just a bunch of scenes cobbled together from Jeff Stryker's best work. The theater fills with the sound of good old Jeff doing his usual dirty talking as his co-stars suck and fuck on his impressive appendage. 

Usually Mulder goes for the hetero stuff, but he likes to change it up a little. It's important to keep any relationship fresh by trying new things. 

The theater screen certainly works well for this kind of thing, enhancing the enormity of Jeff's legendary dick. No one else is coming into the theater, which isn't surprising considering it's a Wednesday, so Mulder figures it's ok to indulge. Honestly, the idea that anyone might come in and catch him jerking off adds to it. 

As his eyes flick from the action on the screen to the door of the theater, he slowly unzips his jeans and reaches in. He's already hard from watching, and it's certainly a relief to have it free. Giving the head a rough squeeze in the palm of his hand, he starts to masturbate as the man onscreen starts to get fucked. The dialogue is painfully bad as it echoes through the theater.

“Yeah, take that cock.”

Moans and groans.

“You like that cock?”

Agreement and more groaning. Whomever writes the scripts for these kinds of movies must have the easiest job in the world. 

As laughable as it is, it still gets Mulder off. He cums into a tissue, pressing his lips shut. Now that he's gotten his rocks off, the sex on screen seems boring. It's like watching a nature documentary, not one of the good ones either. He only stays for ten more minutes before deciding he'd be better served if he just went home to do anything else. As he exits into the lobby and out the door onto the street, he sees the girl in the ticket booth. She's reading Jose Chung's “From Outer Space.” 

Mulder just sighs, and drops the used tissue in his pocket in a trash bin before starting in the direction of his apartment building.


End file.
